How to Set Boundaries
Setting emotional and energetic boundaries is essential. Yet, some of us have experiences, configurations, and backgrounds that make it difficult. If we have a lot of Neptune (or Pisces) in our natal chart it might take us awhile to grasp the concept of an individual identity. Likewise, if we grew up in a home that didn’t allow us to have boundaries, we may find that we learn our lessons the hard way as we find ourselves drained, unappreciated, and confused on how we got there. If we didn’t learn this as a child, it can take time to realize that we may constantly have disharmonious relationships and interactions because we lack boundaries.
But we can change these patterns by recognizing them, loving ourselves unconditionally, and being determined to turn over a new leaf. One way to begin is to recognize our boundaries by writing them down. Here is an activity that may be supportive to you on your journey.
Begin by giving yourself permission to love and nurture yourself. Remind yourself that it’s okay to focus on your needs. You are worthy of being treated well.
Next draw a circle on a piece of paper. Inside the circle write down everything that makes you feel safe, supported, and heard. Take your time knowing that it’s okay to focus on what best serves your highest expression. When you are done, think about what distracts you from feeling safe and supported. Write down all of those things outside of the circle.
This can be a wonderful visual to help us recognize when someone is giving off red flags.
Next it is helpful to learn how to communicate boundaries. If we are not used to focusing on our needs, it can be uncomfortable to express them. Perhaps we fear a negative reaction, or we don’t want to be rude. However, freedom of expression is one of the most kind and loving things you can offer yourself. Furthermore, one can set firm boundaries and still be kind.
Example starter phrases:
- It makes me feel uncomfortable when you […..]. Please stop […]
- I’m not willing to talk about that topic.
- I respect that you have a right to your opinion, however, please don’t try to force your views on me.
- I don’t have the energy to help you with that.
Everyone will not respect your boundaries, but it’s still important to express them, and hold firm if you encounter a boundary-tester. You don’t have to apologize, make excuses for yourself, or give long explanations for your boundaries because you deserve peace of mind, and yes means yes and no means no. Keep it simple.
The best way to deal with energy vampires is to avoid them. But that’s not always possible. You might have to work with them, it might be your neighbor, it might be your roommate, or maybe even your child. We can’t always avoid people who are draining; but we can take steps to protect our inner peace.
Don’t feed the vampire – ground and strengthen yourself so you aren’t tempted to get into arguments, drawn out discussions, or battles with someone who is using your frustration to energize themselves. It takes practice to remain calm and unbothered when facing someone like this, but it can be done. If you cannot walk away, you can sing a mantra or lovely song to yourself, you can think of something funny and laugh to break up some of the tension, you can repeat affirmations in your mind, you can practice deep breathing while not responding, or you can ignore them and continue doing what you are doing.
Reduce or eliminate contact – If you can reduce or eliminate contact with an energy vampire, then it can be beneficial to do so. This is not always an option, but if it is, it’s best to do it without making a big deal about it. Step by step, back away slowly until you backed up far enough to completely walk away.
Stand up for yourself if necessary- If you are in a work environment, you might have to cut off that vampires’ fangs by redirecting the conversation. For example, if you are leading a meeting and someone jumps in being a bully, you can say – “Thank you so much for your opinion. I’m glad that we have an open-minded team. I would like to finish what I was saying, because this is the direction, I was headed with my comments….” Or “I understand that this is important to you. But right now can we focus on the topic at hand?”
If the person in question is your child, then you might want to say something like, “Thank you for sharing your opinion. You are so smart. But how about we try this….[give an example of better manners, or change the subject to another activity].
Write in your journal – Choose a notebook or online writing tool to jot down your feelings about your interactions with this person. This will help you to cleanse and release any emotional toxicity.
PROTECTING YOUR ENERGY
In addition to setting physical boundaries, we can also set energetic boundaries. There are lots of energies, entities, and forces out there capitalizing on our lack of knowledge of how they attempt to drain us of our vital life force.
We can start to deflect this by acknowledging that we have a right to personal space and energetic sovereignty, and then doing the shielding required to combat this issue. One way to do this is with the 12 D shield. This is a technique to strengthen the light body. It helps to ground you, connect your multidimensional aspects, bring your body into balance, and set boundaries. It is recommended that you use this technique twice daily – once in the morning, and once in the evening. You can learn the technique by following along with the video provided by Lisa Renee of Energetic Synthesis
Another technique is to imagine a golden bubble around your entire body that extends to one foot under your feet and 3 feet above your head. The purpose of this bubble is to protect you from negative energy. Remember that thoughts are things so if you see it in your minds eye, then it’s there. Imagine that this golden bubble lets in love, truth, purity, diligence, patience, discipline, kindness, generosity, humility, and unity; while it blocks addiction, rage, greed, jealousy, waste, laziness, pride, fear, separation and all other energies that do not serve your highest expression.
A final technique is to use flower essences to strengthen your energetic boundaries. Flower essences are vibrational remedies that imprint water with the energetic patterning of a specific plant or groups of plants. Many people use them for emotional, mental, and spiritual wellbeing. Yarrow flower essence is a great remedy for strengthening boundaries. Yarrow Environmental Solution by FES is worth looking into.
I am safe and protected.
I do not consent to being victimized.
I value my inner truth.
I am aware of my boundaries.
I express myself with ease.
I am strong.
I listen to my intuition.
I love and appreciate myself.
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